Torah Treks

Experiment #9 The Power of Money - part 2

2011-12-28T20:20:00.007+02:00

Laboratory Experiment #9

EXPERIMENT BRIEFING:
Exactly the same as experiment #8 except this will be applied not for hitting, but for any significant show of anger. Although, the father was successful in never hitting his children, nevertheless there is frequent yellling and anger.

Professor Trek's Log
Day 1 - complete success. No fines. There were some angry moments but the father did not remember beforehand so there is no fine. (See experiment #8 conditions)

Day 14 - January 11, 2012
The specimen has had almost zero anger events since the experiment began. There were a handful of anger events, but since the specimen did not remember well, at the time, of the fine, therefore there is no fine to pay. (Except for 2 times, so far) Before the experiment, anger explosions were occuring daily. It appears we will need to publish these remarkable findings.
The specimen has tried fines before but was not able to be consistent. It appears the key is to use a neder to tzedaka with the conditions. This forces the specimen to commit to the program.
However, due to the great dangers in breaking nedarim it is recommended that only a man who has strong yira shamayim and is above 25 years of age and includes all the nedarim safety conditions specified in experiment #8 should consider this.

Feb 4, 2012
It appears there was a small loss of awareness of the anger experiment for the specimen as time went by. This appears to be logical and normal. As the father remembered the possibility of fines, the awareness and self control came back.

Experiment#8 - The Transformational Power of Money

2011-12-28T19:58:00.005+02:00

Laboratory Experiment #8

EXPERIMENT BRIEFING:

There's a famous story about a great Rabbi in Pre-war europe who observed two female peddlers screaming at each other quite viciously. Suddenly a potential customer came to buy a few pennies worth of stuff, and the female peddler immediately put on her best face.

Where did the anger disappear so quickly? This apparently is the power of money.

This experiment will test this on a hot tempered father of 6 children. He was raised by a hot tempered mother who beat him significantly and with great anger.

Although, he thought he would not repeat this. He has found himself dragged into the same pattern of anger and hitting. The specimen has tried for years to change without progress.

The power of money will be tested to see if it could change this behavior. The specimen has agreed to pay a fine of 25 dollars to tzedaka for each hit. The fine is backed with a neder, so there's no way out.

Due to the great, great dangers of making a neder, the following safety conditions are applied to the neder.
1. the neder applies only if the father remembers well beforehand about the neder. If not, there's no fine.
2. There's a maximum fine of 50 dollars per day (for 2 or more infractions).
3. the neder applies only if the anger is significant, and only if the father deems the anger was significant. If there's a doubt, the neder does not apply.
4. the neder applies for 60 days only.

Professor Trek's Log
After a few months, the father has completely stopped hitting his children. It used to be that he would get furious and give them big smacks beyond his control. He could not restrain himself.
Now there is absolutely no difficulty in restrainment. The father has not hit his children in a long time and is starting to see major positive changes in the house. This experiment is a success.

Experiment #7 - Dealing with ADHD Child

2011-12-18T23:22:00.009+02:00

Laboratory Experiment #7

EXPERIMENT BRIEFING: This is an exceptionally perilous experiment into the sickness of the generation - ADHD. Children/Teens with ADHD are the most at-risk category of going to deep trouble paths. The sages say the best way to connect with someone (for males) is to learn torah with them (heard from Rabbi Zev Leff quoting vayeshev-"Yaakov loved Yosef more than all other sons ki ben sekunim". Rashi-he taught him torah.)

This theory will be tested with an extreme ADHD 11 year old specimen. The father has tried just about everything else without success. The specimen appears resistant to all forms of treatment and is sliding down steadily.

Professor's Log:
The 11 year old ADHD specimen has been taken out of school early for the past 5 weeks. Instead of leaving school at 6pm he now leaves at 3:30pm and arrives home at 4:30pm. The father has agreed to arrive early and to learn talmud with the specimen (bava kama perek 6). The learning program is in the home of the child. Door is locked to prevent distractions. Pumpkin seeds have been bought to calm the child's nervousness. After each timed 30 minute chavrusa session the child and father play a simple video game together for exactly 15 minutes. After that another 30 minute learning session and a final 10-15 minute video game session.

Conclusion so Far:
There has been remarkable, breakthrough, progress in the child's behavior. The child from the first week showed dramatic improvements in behavior both at home and in school. The father who had developed signs of animosity towards the ADHD child due to exhaustion and frustration now appears to show love and caring for the child. So far it seems the experiment appears to strongly confirm torah theory.

January 11, 2012
The sessions are proceeding on schedule. The specimen continues to make breakthrough progress in school and at his home.

January 22, 2012
Breakthough progress continuing. We may need to publish these findings. However it is unclear yet about the long term results. Since the father cannot maintain this schedule for too long. Also, the video games may lead to long term problems for the child.

Experiment #6 - Benefits of Silence

2010-12-10T11:05:00.004+02:00

"I have noticed that nothing I have never said ever did me any harm" - unknown

Laboratory Experiment #6

EXPERIMENT BRIEFING: In the "Ethics of the Fathers" it says "All my life, I have been around the wise, and I did not find anything better for the body than silence." The Maharal wrote there that speech is physical while thinking is spiritual. When the physical works then the spiritual doesn't. When a person speaks, his intellect cannot function properly, and one who speaks too much has no intellect at all.
The Arizal also listed talking as little as possible as a prerequisite to acquiring wisdom.
In this experiment, the specimen will attempt to speak as little as possible and log the results effects on the intellect.

Initial Entry: Dec.12, 2010
Keeping silence proved very difficult to do. However, the times I did manage, I noticed a significant improvement in calmness of the mind. Also, noticed the kids were calmer.

Concluding Entry: Feb.05 2011
Although the specimen, failed in keeping silence as in the specs. However he found tremendous benefit in dealing with the wife. It takes two to argue. By experience the man knows which conversations inevitably lead to arguments. When the man sensed the wife was starting a conversation which was going to lead to an argument, he just kept quiet. This has been very beneficial in stopping countless arguments.
Also, for children, the father has learning to keep quiet more and show interest when the children speak. This has benefited his relationship with them.

Experiment #5 - Nedarim and Shavuos

2010-07-27T18:30:00.009+03:00

Laboratory Experiment #5

EXPERIMENT BRIEFING: It is clear that experiments 1-4 have been negative. The specimen has consistently failed to keep his resolutions due to lack of willpower. Due to the gravity of his situation, he will attempt to use the dangerous but powerful tools of nedarim and shavuos (vows, and oaths, see background article here on nedarim/shavuos). The reason for failure appears to be lack of caring about the consequences of not keeping the resolutions. The solution for this is to use a neder which has severe heavenly punishment. We shall see if the specimen is able to keep his word using the tool of nedarim and shavuos.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Neder #1 - The specimen has been addicted to watching boxing videos and the like, and also to wasting time on video games. He has tried internet filters but the system has not worked properly. He has made a neder for 30 days to go cold turkey - no video games and no fighting videos. The speciment will report to me with the results.

Neder #2 - The specimen has failed in even the simplest resolution of consistently greeting his wife with a smile every morning when he returns from the prayer service. He has made a neder for 30 days and likewise will report with the results.

Professor Trek's Warning: Do not attempt to try nedarim/shavuos under any circumstances before reading this article

RESULTS: The nedarim and shavuos have certainly been very, very helpful and the specimen has made some breakthroughs in his anger problem. However, there were several occurences of transgressing the neder or shavua. So the recommendation is NOT to get involved with nedarim and shavuos. However, due to the great benefit, if one wants to get involved with them, then make conditions such as:
1. only if I remember very well is the neder valid
2. only if I estimate that this is what I meant in making the neder
3. If I transgress the neder, will give X dollars to tzedaka, but this is only if I remember and was aware that I transgressed.
4. Never make a neder without tying it to a fine and with above conditions. Transgressing a neder could damage the lab equipment.
good luck.

Experiment # 4 - Shalom Bayis - Peace in Marriage - CONCLUDED

2009-08-05T10:45:00.041+03:00

"It is more difficult to make a marriage work than it was to split the red sea" - Talmud
(explanation:Splitting the Red Sea was going against the law of gravity. The human parallel to the law of gravity is the law of selfishness, the arch-enemy of a peaceful marriage. - Rabbi Uziel Milevsky)

Laboratory Experiment #4

EXPERIMENT OBJECTIVE: Ok. This is going to be the most difficult experiment yet. We will be using the Rabbi Aryeh Pamensky method to try to change a failed marriage. The couple has unsuccessfully gone through several marriage counselors over a period of almost 10 years with zero improvement. After hearing the marriage seminar by Rabbi Pamensky the husband has agreed to give the method a try. The password has been given to him to allow posting a log of his progress.

EXPERIMENT PARAMETERS:
The core Rabbi Pamensky method for the man consists of the following:
1. Men and women are totally different. Try not to analyze anything the woman says or does, just focus on making your wife happy all the time.
2. Always speak to her in an affectionate tone.
3. When coming home from work, the very first 20 minutes are solely to help her in whatever she needs.
4. Call each day from work to say "I love you".
5. Woman talk to build relationships. Men talk to communicate a point. When the wife talks about something, don't give any advice, just pay attention and nod or say one syllable words to show that you're following what she says. (see seminar for more details)
The man will try to follow these and keep a log of the progress.

Entry 1 - August 5, 2009
Ok professor, here's the breakdown.
1. make happy - 5 attempts.
2. attention - 2 attempts.
3. affectionate tone - 2 attempts.
4. call - not possible
comment: Noticed a rapid and drastic improvement in the wife's mood.

Entry 2 - August 6, 2009
Captain's Log:
1. make happy - 3 attempts.
2. attention - 2 attempts.
3. affectionate tone - 1 attempts.
4. call - not possible
comment: Was much harder today due to less motivation. But tried to hang in, and became a bit easier later in the day. Wife still in much better mood than usual.

Entry 3 - August 8, 2009
Could not take proper log due to Shabbos. But generally, motivation is even lower. The wife was very difficult due to the stress of cleaning, cooking, etc. Will try today to make a major effort.

Entry 4 - August 10, 2009
Still moving slowly. Following this method will take some time and most importantly willpower. Looks like I'll need to take a few days break and start over.

Entry 5 - August 26, 2009
Still waiting.

Entry 6 - September 5, 2009

still waiting. not easy. but will give it a try starting now and see how it holds up.

Entry 7 - September 8, 2009
Ok. We're back in business. Found an easy place to start. "Affectionate tone" is a bit too hard for me, but I found something else I could handle - trying to say nice things. At least I don't have to put any emotions into it and it seems so far to have some positive results.

Entry 8 - September 13, 2009
Lo and behold. Amazing results. All I did was sprinkle some nice words here and there and refrain from negative words. The wife seems to be coming alive. I didn't really mean any of the nice words and she knows it. But for some reason she's a different person. At least for the past few days. Let's see if I can keep this up. Especially since she can be so difficult.

Entry 9 - September 26, 2009
Still looks like the best strategy so far. Just keep sprinkling some nice words. Such as "how's my wonderful wife?" or whatever. Don't know about other women, but from what I've observed after 10 years of marriage, my woman is like a bipolar psycho who needs daily doses of medication otherwise she will go nuts. The medication which calms her, however, is not brain altering pills but simply nice words. Anyone out there can relate to this?

Entry 10 - October 12, 2009
Was working very well and had made some substantial progress. However, the mother in law came for the holidays and as usual wrecked havoc in my wife's relationship. I think there should be a course for mother in laws before every marriage. It will take some time to rebuild. However, I've found the best method is still to do small acts and also to track on the spot each time one does the act. This works for other things as well. Such as tracking each act of criticism immediately in a palm pilot (program is called "Daily Tracker 1.5") or notepad.

Entry 11 - October 23, 2009
Try to rebuild after the previous entries pitfall. Not easy. Especially when it's a one way deal. Probably best is to keep going and hopefully the barriers will melt.

Entry 12 - November 2, 2009
Ok. Now have a checklist of things to track each morning (as in entry 10). The main things are number of times get angry, number of times say criticism, number of times being humorous, daven help, and of course number of times said nice things. Difference now though is that I put effort on only one of the 5 each week. The others are tracked but little effort is put in them. Found that this way helps to make progress in one area without burning out. Let's see how it holds up.

Entry 13 - November 13, 2009
OK. Looks like we're sticking to the old method. More than this, is too much for now. So just tracking all and no focus. Slowly, definitely seeing some improvements though. Main thing is to just keep on truckin'. Tip: the tracking should be immediate for best effect.

Entry 14 - November 23, 2009
Still trackin' away. Definitely made progress. Not just with wife, but with other areas I was tracking alongside, such as keeping a sense of humor going. Still, though, difficult to be consistent with the wife. Definitely not yet where the goal is.

Entry 15 - December 12, 2009
Still Trackin'. However, the method was not working as well as I had hoped. Never give up. I thought about things and came up with a new tracking as follows.
1. Every new encounter such as waking up in the morning, coming home from work, etc. Should be preceded by a) davening to the Al-mighty for help. b) telling myself how the difficulty I'm having is a kapara or whatever. c) Immediately when the wife is spotted, the first encounter should be a positive one, such as nice word or helping out. After this track the results, namely whether I followed the plan or not.
The Theory: What I've found is that arguments don't explode immediately. Resentment builds up then negative words, then boom! So, at least when I get home and for a few second, still in a good mood, at least then it should be the easiest time to say a nice word and set the tone for the rest of the time.
So far, this method shows promise.. Will keep posting...

Entry 16 - January 4, 2010
The previous method definitely shows promise. Problem is being consistent. Had a good string of about a week doing this and saw dramatic improvements in the wife. She picked it up and started reciprocating. Notice from my charts that there's a motivation cycle which peaks about days then crashes then peaks again, etc. Will keep going with this, and also try to stop all criticism until the relationship will be stronger. will keep posting.

Entry 17 - January 15, 2010
I think we're onto something Sherlock. This simple method is really showing dramatic changes. Getting more consistent with it, and it's definitely still showing improvements.

Entry 18 - February 5, 2010
Have had a bit of a loss of interest in tracking. Definitely see a difference. Will try to get back on track (pun intended), since I see things sliding back somewhat. The best defense is a good offense.

Entry 19 - March 8, 2010
It's been a while. Things have definitely slid back. Some reason lost motivation and was not able to keep up the resolution. I think this is normal. The motivation is starting to swing back though. Am also trying to spend 20 minutes of talk time with the wife every evening. It's just not enough to start on a good note.

Entry 20 - March 25, 2010
Getting better. Most important is to daven before coming home. And a smile or whatever after every initial encounter. This will at least prevent things from getting too bad. Main things is to be consistent. Must try to increase the consistency and bigger smile, etc.

Entry 21 - April 6, 2010
Pesach was a disaster. Basically exploded then retreated to a multi day silent treatment. Unfortunately the motivation to stick with the program has died down. This is definitely not easy. Seems more I'm nice to the wife, the more she gets demanding and angry, while when I retreat into silence, I have some peace and quiet. Any suggestions?

Entry 22 - April 18, 2010
Eureka. much improvement. I found the source of the lack of motivation for tracking. Part of what I had stopped tracking was the different parts of the morning prayer. This had the effect of not putting to mind the tracking early on and thereby losing interest in the entire tracking. I put that back and now things are much better. So far tracking: 1. waking up (quickly or lazily) 2. berachot 3. pesukei zimra 4.Shema 5.shmonei esrei 6.rest of service. 7. davening before entering home. 8.greeting the wife with smile 9. 15 minutes of no anger, no matter what with kids.
So with this structured program early on, the right mindset is setup right away. Let's see how it holds up.

Entry 23 - April 23, 2010
Still improving steadily. Seems this was the source of losing interest in the tracking. over and out.

Entry 24 - May 9, 2010
Had some arguments, where I dropped the plan. This is not easy!! Am back track though. However progress can only be made with consistency. Will need to think of a way to be more consistent. Anyone have ideas?

Conclusion - June 24, 2010
After trying and trying many different ways, I have come to the conclusion that the years will go by and essentially nothing will change without external help. It seems the communication problem and lack of arbitration will propogate the problems without end. Having seen a few "counselors" over the years without success, it also appears that one must go to the best.

One More Entry - July 27, 2010
Even with the counseling. Things have not improved dramatically. Professor Trek has recommended a completely new approach explained in experiment #5.

Experiment # 3 - Internet Addiction Study SOLVED

2009-06-20T23:15:00.011+03:00

Laboratory Experiment #3

EXPERIMENT OBJECTIVE: Professor Trek has found a male internet addict willing to undergo the roughly 30 day internet detox study. This will be an experiment in the power of free will and also to observe the effects of internet detoxification on a genuine internet addict. The subject has agreed to post daily updates. His primary motivation is to stop the senseless massive waste of time due to his addiction. Professor Trek will analyze the data and provide his final report at the end of the study.

EXPERIMENT PARAMETERS:
1. The specimen is a young male who reads several news sites multiple times every day. He cannot get off the internet until the late hours of the night. Usually browsing useless material. Every night he has told himself this is the last time, yet the next day invariably repeats itself.
2. The specimen will be allowed to read and respond briefly to emails only twice a day.
3. No news sites at all. He is allowed to do some important computer work for his parnasa and for writing to his family.
4. All other internet use is strictly forbidden for the duration of the test.

Entry 1 - June 21, 2009
Thought it would be very difficult but so far not so bad. Keep getting a nagging voice to use the computer for non-internet things though. Must be careful...

Entry 2 - June 23, 2009
Not as easy as it seems. The addiction is a cunning opponent. Since the parameters were no useless internet, well the addiction shifted to offline computer time wasting. Offline computer games! This is gonna be harder than I thought. Just wasted many hours on computer games, which were technically permitted since it doesn't need internet.
The parameters have now been modified to add "no unnecessary computer use - even offline". Let's see how this holds up. It's going to be difficult. Watch my back...

Entry 3 - June 25, 2009
Much better. Looks like I plugged al the loopholes. Still trying to get on the computer and do "useful things". Maybe need to cut these to the bare minimum to see the full effects of the withdrawal. BTW, I don't miss the news one bit.

Entry 4 - June 26, 2009
Whoaa. spoke too soon. Convinced myself to check the news for a few minutes due to a friend telling me there was a local shooting. Well those minutes turned to several hours...Disaster. Moral of the story. Be careful whenever you say "just for a minute". Chazal say the yetzer hara always works by getting you to do small things, then pulling you in towards bigger and bigger things. I had a nice demonstration of that. The lesson is to not give in even to the smallest thing. Let's see how it holds up.

Entry 5 - June 29, 2009
Since last entry. Technically followed the program perfectly. No news, no unnecessary internet. Had a few close calls, but held myself back.

Entry 6 - June 30, 2009
Had a bit of a slip up just after I wrote the last entry. Getting off this computer is no easy task. Without this logging, would certainly be much harder.

Entry 7 - July 3, 2009
Definitely having a hard time. Anybody else try this? No choice but to strengthen myself and keep the plan... I will try to post daily updates instead of every few days. I think this will be a great motivator.

Entry 8 - July 4, 2009
Seems to have been a good idea to post daily updates. Definitely feel more push to stay in line. Will try to continue posting daily updates. Stay tuned...

Entry 9 - July 5, 2009
Looks like we're onto something Watson. No useless internet today! Knowing that I need to check in and give a din v'cheshbon is a great motivator.

Entry 10 - July 7, 2009
Still holding up. With a minor slip yesterday. Don't miss the mindless internet surfing but feel that if I don't hold myself back (with a minor effort), it's oh so easy to grab the surfboard and head for those waves.

Entry 11 - July 9, 2009
Near perfect. Not watching the news is one less big stress. Noticed also that things change so rapidly that it's impossible to predict anything by watching the news, so the whole thing is one big waste of time.

Entry 12 - July 12, 2009
Overall good. Although not perfect. Having one less time drain is a big relief. Sometimes, I slip though and head for the news sites. What a bunch of depressing reading. Better to stay away as things change so rapidly anyways.

Entry 13 - July 13, 2009
Not a good day. Started slipping by "peaking" at the news. Before you know it was headed for the boxing matches. Ouch! Gotta make sure not to give in the slightest. Once you give in a bit, it's all over.

Entry 14 - July 14, 2009
Another bad day. Started with a small argument with the wife which put me in a bad mood. Once the bad mood was there, told myself: "well in a bad mood so might as well try to feel better." and then headed for the waves. Not only did it not make me feel better, but as you can expect made me feel alot worse after. Learning alot though about the tricks of the yetzer. One is especially vulnerable when he's feeling down. it's important to catch oneself at these times and do uplifting things.

Entry 15 - July 18, 2009
After some ups and downs. I am beginning to see a pattern for failure. The yetzer hara has been caught on video. Every time it's the same story. He tempts you to just look for a second, and then it's over. The key is not to give in the slightest. Saw something online that supports this:
from dafyomireview.com:
"In Zichron Yaakov (Israel during 1950s), people observed how the swarms of black swamp flies would never go near Reb Elyah Lopian. The students there were astounded since at times, these flies would invade every square inch of the yeshiva. Rav Lopian explained:"Our Sages teach us that the yetzer hara (evil inclination) is likened to a fly. When you chase a fly from your hand, it flies onto your head, and when you shoo it from your head, it returns to your hand. It appears to me, that the nature of a fly is such that if a hand is clean and dry, the fly has nothing to do there and will continue on its way. If however there is some moisture or pus from a wound on the hand, the fly will remain to pick all around the spot. So it is with the yetzer hara: if you do not give in to it in any way, it finds nothing interesting in you, just as a fly finds no reason to remain on a clean, dry hand. The yetzer hara will then leave you to search for more promising spoils." - Reproduced from Reb Elyah (pg.108) with permission of the copyright holders, ArtScroll/Mesorah Publications, Ltd.

Time for a few days pause and then a new start...

Entry 16 - July 23, 2009
OK. Time for a fresh start. Needed a pause for a few days.
Same old story. Have been heading straight for the web. Now time to flex the discipline muscles and try to go only cold turkey - no wasting time on the computer for next 30 days..

Entry 17 - July 24, 2009
So far so good. Almost zero wasting time on the computer. Let's hope we can come to rosh hashana with something to show.

Entry 18 - July 25, 2009
Ok. No wasted time, but can't seem to get off for "productive" work.

Entry 19 - July 29, 2009
Until last night everything perfect. Last night I decided to "peek" at the news. Another brilliant idea. Next thing I knew, I was on the web till late night watching fighting videos. Once again, the key is to not even "peek".

Entry 20 - August 2, 2009
Did well except for friday afternoon and saturday night. Noticed that I'm most vulnerable after a negative experience. Somehow surfing the web is an excuse for feeling better. Will need to work on that. Maybe try to eat something or exercise instead.

Entry 21 - August 4, 2009
so far so good. no news is good news.

Entry 22 - August 8, 2009
everything good until the motzai shabbos down feeling. took the surf board and headed straight for the waves. ouch! "a tzadik falls seven times and gets up" (Mishlei) . Ok, will have to strengthen self.

Entry 23 - August 12, 2009
doing well. haven't read any news sites for a while and I think I've successfully detoxed the urge to read the news! Still need work on other surfing though.

Entry 24 - August 26, 2009
Basically still at the same point as the previous entry. Detoxed the need for news. But still find a little voice once in a while to go and "just have a look around".

Entry 25 - September 08, 2009
Doing much better. Installed on the computer a "parenting control" software called "Blue Coat K-9 Protection". Excellent software to block categories of sites and also specific urls such as youtube. This has been a lifesaver. Even though I am the "parent" and know the passwords, to access sites I blocked, I need to go to admin and change some settings. The extra time allows me to "cool down" and not impulsively surf the useless sites. Great tool!

Entry 26 - October 12, 2009
The K-9 protection has helped alot. I've started to supllement by tracking each 10 minute block of failure in wasted time surfing. (For example 60 minutes would be 6, 20 minutes would be 2. 5 seconds would still get the minimum score of 1). Then I track it in my palm pilot. This has definitely been helpful. Even though noone but me sees it.

Entry 27 - October 15, 2009
It's been a rough few days. Too much boxing matches. I decided to up the ante. For the K-9, I no longer have the password but typed it in a text file then zipped it with a second password. And even the password is not stored as one word but each letter spread apart by spaces and carriage returns. Basically it would take fifteen minutes of very boring work just to get the password. So far this has stopped me bypassing the K-9!
So far it has worked very goo

Entry 28 - October 23, 2009
The k-9 has kept me out of everything i blocked. That's good news. However, still waste time on the news and other minor stuff. Slowly, slowly we're making progress.

Entry 29 - November 2, 2009
Well had to tighten the noose on the k-9. Now blocking all news sites except one. Definitely has helped. Still haven't reached the goal of being internet detoxicated. Maybe the only solution is as the picture at the top of this post shows.

Entry 30 - November 13, 2009
Turns out the k-9 has an easy way to recover the password. Just click in admin on "send new password". It then emails you a new password on the spot. Fell for this one a few times.
Time to haul out the heavy artillery. Looks like the next step is to change email and use a friend's email. Would need to tell him to not give me the password. This way even if I click "send new password", it won't go to my email but to his. The yetzer is a formidable enemy.

Entry 31 - November 23, 2009
So far so good. Looks like this is the only way to keep control. Not much to say since I'm blocked out of all the time wasting sites such as youtube, all news except israelnationalnews, and most of the categories in the free K-9 software. Looks like we've found the solution - install k-9 and give the administrator email and password to a 3rd person. You can even limit the hours of the day for internet access. One up for the good guys.

Note for those suffering from watching shmutz or the like, see the site www.guardyoureyes.org

another tip: The firefox browser has a feature to block images (under tools->options) and an excellent add-on called flashblock to block flash (animated pictures).

Entry 32 - December 20, 2009 - Update

so far so good. However had to ask for the password a few times to add more sites that I got in to. If anyone wants the procedure it's as follows: 1. go to k-9 admin 2. click on "website exceptions" 3. add a url to "always block" 4. click save. then delete the temporary password. As in entry #30.

Entry 33 - January 15, 2019 - Update
ok. Definitely has helped. However found myself sometimes searching google for fight videos, sometimes going trying dozens of sites which were blocked until i found one not blocked. After some time wasted would regret and ask friend for password to add this new site's url to the list. After logging in to the k-9 admin. I noticed an excellent feature in the "time restrictions" category. One feature is "block all internet for 1 hour if 10 sites are blocked with in 10 minutes." Enabled this. This should stop my previous strategy. One up for the good guys. Here's an interesting link I found Internet Addiction

Entry 34 - March 11, 2010 - Update
Has not been a smooth ride. The desire to surf the net is still strong. However, have kept on fighting. Tightening and adjusting the k-9 settings. Unless a person dumps the computer for good, it's going to be a difficult battle. the weak point has been asking my friend for the password "to make adjustments". He sent it, and boom, after making some adjustments, could not resist but spend hours on youtube or the like watching boxing or mma videos. Had to then tell him, not to give the password unless I said it was important. This helped for a while. But still found myself wasting alot of time. Am currently on alternating days. One day k-9 blocks all internet (Except outlook express (email) and ftp), and one day normal k-9 filter. One day w/o internet, really felt like a big load off my chest.

Entry 35 - March 18, 2010 - Update
The war is raging on. I just bought a netbook (mini laptop). Thought this would help me do some work outside the house. Didn't disable internet to see if I could control myself. Well, didn't work. When night came and the house quieted down, immediately went to watch boxing and other fighting videos for hours. After that felt as, usual like trash. Ok. The clamp is on for the netbook. Decided to block internet access completely from the router side. (The router has a feature to all access only to machines within the "MAC address" list. So just included my regular pc in the list but not the laptop. Then gave the administrator password for the router to my trusty friend, and deleted it from my records. Now can't access the router to change the settings. Let's see if this solves the problem. The addiction is a formidable adversary. Hopefully we've heard the last of it. Though I suspect not. Over and out.

Entry 35 - March 25, 2010 - Update
Wow. It's been rough. Although the internet surfing was under control. The addiction switched to using torrent downloads to download video games. The torrent programs go right through the k9 filter unblocked. Used my palm tx to download torrent files then the computer for the rest. Amazing how sly this internet beast is. Well, the clamp had to go on even tighter. I removed the mac address of the Palm TX from the router's allowed mac address list. Now I can't download any torrent files from the TX since the TX is totally blocked from all internet access. So too my main computer cannot download torrent files since the category is blocked by k9. What a relief. Has been couple of days without wasted time. Seems the root of the addiction is just a lust for wasting time.

Entry 36 - May 25, 2010 - Update
Has been rougher and rougher. Apparently an internet filter is not enough for my case. Just can't seem to get off the computer. After a rough few months. I've just added another layer of protection. This time it's a program called "computertime" by softwaretime.com. Basically limits the amount of time you can use the computer. My wife has the admin password. Set it to the minimum amount of time i need for work purposes. I feel a relief because this could be a final solution.

Entry 37 - July 25, 2010 - Update
Profesor Trek has declared this experiment a failure and recommends combining the internet filters with other techniques (such as nedarim see experiment#6. or better, yet throwing the computer out the window.)

Experiment #2 - The Ten Steps to Greatness by Rav Avigdor Miller zt'l

2009-06-06T23:56:00.025+03:00

Mission Impossible/Laboratory Experiment #2

THE THEORY: Rav Miller recommended the following once a day for 30 days. He said, "If you feel exhausted, take a break and come back slowly. To become great, you have to be extreme."

The Ten Steps to Greatness
1. Spend 30 seconds thinking of Olam Haba
2. Say once "I love you H-shem"
3. Do one hidden act of chesed.
4. Be like H-shem who lifts the humble, say something to encourage someone.
5. Spend 1 minute about what happened yesterday (cheshbon hanefesh).
6. Your actions should be l’shem shamayim (say once during meals)
7. Look into someone’s face and think - I’m seeing a tzelem Elokim
8. Just like H-shem’s face shines on us, give someone a big smile.
9. When saying "malbish arumim", think about the great gift of garments.
10. When reciting the words, "If I forget you, Yerushalayim...," sit on floor and think of loss of Yerushalayim (privately, 1 second).

Experiment #1 - Iggeres HaRamban - Speaking Calmly

2009-05-18T23:13:00.048+03:00

Mission Impossible/Laboratory Experiment #1

THE THEORY: The Igeres HaRamban starts with the famous words: "Habituate yourself always to speak all of your words in a calm tone to all people and at all times, in this way you will be saved from anger." (The explanation can be read at: Ramban's Cure for Anger)

EXPERIMENT OBJECTIVE:The kickoff perilous experiment is to test for 40 days whether it is possible to keep this regiment and if it does indeed make a person to lose the urge to get angry.

2-STAGE EXPERIMENT
Stage 1. The initial data gathering stage will explore the regimen to find what works and what doesn't work. After it is clear what the potential dangers, etc. are a strategy will be devised for implementing the method of speaking calmly. The duration of this stage will depend on the acquisition of sufficient data to devise a strategy.

Stage 2. The testing stage will seek to implement the strategy devised in stage 1. A repeat of stage 2 may be necessary depending on the success in following the stage 1 strategy.

Some Parameters for this Experiment:
1. The specimen is a middle aged male highly hot tempered by nature.
2. He has one bonafide ADHD 8 year old, who is a nonstop master of mayhem, and a second ADHD 2 year old who is a master of disaster.
3. He explodes in anger almost daily.

Ok.... Let's Go!!!

The specimen has been instructed to keep a journal of progress for the data acquisition stage.

This message will self destruct in 30 seconds.

~~~~

Stage 1 Entry #1 - May 4 2009

Ok, mission control/Professor Trek here's the breakdown for the first day.
Woke up rather excited. Didn't realize how monotonous my life had begun until I had something new to wake up to. Was also a bit nervous about the daunting task of constantly speaking calmly.
Went to daven (pray) and then headed back for the first battle - dressing the kids and shipping out to take them to school.
All in all it went surprisingly easy. Had an intial surge of anger but since I was on guard, I was able to catch it, and force myself to speak calmly. This immediately extinguished the volcano.

The rest of the day was surprisingly smooth. Felt a noticeably increased level of joy. A few times there were some minor slips, but all were due to "hesech daas" (forgetting the mission even for a second). But as long as I was aware of the mission, it was not too difficult to keep calm. The main lesson was "don't forget even for a second, when engaging with people."

Had one major challenge with a very difficult person which I anticipated ahead of time. I pumped myself up extra beforehand and during and it went smoothly.

Usually these things are easy in the beginning due to the initial excitement. I'm not going to fool myself into thinking this will be easy.

On to Stage 1 Entry #2!!!

Stage 1 Entry #2 - May 5 2009

Woke up with definitely less enthusiasm then yesterday.
This resulted in a minor slip. I managed to keep the gloves up most of the day and remind myself before every social interaction.

The feeling of joy I had yesterday continued and even grew a bit. My ADHD son also seemed much happier than usual. I guess real joy comes not from entertainment or the like but rather when one feels he is growing spiritually. The latter is a joy of the body while the former is a soul joy.
Spoke too soon though. Towards the evening had spent too long secluded with the computer.
When the wife and kids suddenly came with their list of problems, I slipped. This time it was due to forgetting the mission and also to being overtired. Gotta prepare and anticipate next time.

Mission Control - Over and Out....

Stage 1 Entry #3 - May 6 2009

The show must go on!!!
Ok. Today woke up with even less enthusiasm as expected.
The result was that the energy for the mission was much less and I did a major slip up with my ADHD kid. No problemo. "A tzadik falls seven times and gets up" (Mishlei).

Learned an important lesson from this. If you don't have a burning "Yes", you won't have the energy to say "No". Once the initial enthusiasm is gone. If one doesn't work on pumping himself up to generate the enthusiasm, he won't have the energy to stick to the plan and the old habits will work their way in.

After that fall and the lesson. The rest of the day went smoothly. I tried to pray, short prayers before each potential danger to keep the flame going. Don't think I would have the motivation to stick to this without checking in daily with Mission Control.

Chazak V'Ematz...

Stage 1 Entry #4 - May 7 2009

wow! not a good day. "A tzadik falls seven times and gets up" (Mishlei). Never give up.
After davening I came home ready for the mission. Out of nowhere a bunch of things happened perfectly timed which would have required the gloves to be up very high.
Amazing. The yetzer hara came out with all his strength to spoil the beginning. Once he won the first battle, it blew out the enthusiasm for the rest of the day.
This is the lesson I discovered today, the beginning is the foundation for the whole day. One must put all of one's strength in the begining and not give in in the slightest. It's probably a good idea to do something positive first, such as a bit of exercise or quiet time. Feeling good physically helps alot. When one is tired, his "maximum frustration level" is very low.

Tomorrow and Shabbos will be the greatest challenge yet. Since I will be home alot.
Ok, I'm going in...Watch my back. If you don't hear from me by sunday call the police.
Over and out....

Stage 1 Entry #5 - May 9 2009

B''H, Back in business. Friday and shabbos went overall very well. Looks like the efforts are starting to yield some fruits. No major nuclear explosions as is usually the case every shabbos during my small apartment with 5 kids and one ADHD which is like 10-15 kids combined.

Looks like the lesson today is to constantly remember in order to control your reaction from the very beginning, before it picks up strength. Rav Chaim Vital says this is what G-d told to Adam regarding the snake.

"And I will put hostility between you and the woman and between your offspring and her offspring; her offspring will attack your head, and you will attack her offspring’s heel.” (Bereishis 3:15)

The only way to beat the snake (Evil inclination) is to attack his head - attack the beginning of his onslaught. Only then can you be successful. Otherwise, if you let him grow, he will attack your heel.
I also attribute the success of making the great effort of remembering due to this wonderful blog. Since I know that I will have to plaster my failures for everyone on the planet to see and laugh at, it is a great motivator so as not to come out looking like a fool. Thanks everyone!

One battle won for the good guys. But the war is far from over. I expect the yetzer to regroup and make some unexpected onslaughts this week.

Mission Control we are heading out......

Stage 1 Entry #6 - May 10 2009

Welcome back. As expected there was a regrouping and an onslaught by the forces of the yetzer. I encountered a particularly difficult person today who was obviously placed on my path to test my anger. Fortunately did not explode. It appears to be getting easier to control my anger due to building a habit of speaking calmly. The Ramban was right! However the day was not without some low intensity anger. There's still major work to do and I expect big challenges ahead. Tomorrow will be a big test. Will try to focus on making the beginning perfect. No major lesson learned today. Could be the calm before the storm. We shall see....

Stage 1 Entry #7 - May 11 2009

No major challenges challenges today. Had events that would normally bring anger, but apparently due to being quite alert, was able to speak calmly from the beginning and prevent a flare up. Did not take much effort either. Let's see how this develops.
Over and out...

Stage 1 Entry #8 - May 12 2009

No difficult people today. Did not need to practice speaking calmly. Could be a ploy by the yetzer to make me drop my guard. We'll see...

Stage 1 Entry #9 - May 13 2009
Indeed it was a ploy. Due to the calm of last 2 days, the guard was a bit down - and BOOM the test came without delay. Fortunately just a minor slip. Rest of the day was smooth. Must admit it's a bit depressing to speak only calmly. Needed to raise the sense of humor a bit in order to stay "normal". over and out...

Stage 1 Entry #10 - May 14 2009
Day started ok. Then had a tiring afternoon and was not in a good mood. Sure enough the platoon came under attack by the minions of the yetzer. They came at us with rapid fire from multiple directions. Our platoon had a few casualties. One day for the bad guys.
Lesson learned: be extra, extra careful when in a bad mood. Do not engage others in potentially irritating conversations as much as possible. Try not to act or make decisions until at least one night has passed.
Mission control we are heading towards the perilous friday/shabbos journey. Where the wife, kids, adhd kid will provide much battle engagement. The data will be interesting to see.
Will be posting the damage report saturday night. over and out........

Stage 1 Entry #11-12 - May 15-16 2009 (friday/shabbat)

OK. Was an interesting couple of days. Woke up friday morning with a much less amount of enthusiasm about this experiment. Basically, the mission was less on my mind than usual.
I knew this meant the mission was in danger. Since, from experience so far, the data indicates that in order to succeed the matter if soeaking calm must be constantly in one's mind.

I was right. There were a few slip ups friday morning. Fortunately, was able to adapt and try to remember the mission. This helped but there were still times of forgetting due to the less degree of enthusiasm. However the corresponding slips of anger were small and controlled. Much more so than before this experiment.
Lessons Learned - Must constantly remind oneself of the mission and constantly work on creating a burning "yes" to counter the "no"
Overall - still far from goal of Ramban. Hopefully this week we will reach the objective.
over and out...

Stage 1 Entry #13 - May 17 2009
Greetings students. Today was average. Still trying to keep the voice calm. Still feel there's some way to go before reaching the level of speaking "all your words, etc." There's some kind of resistance from going all the way on this. Could be it's just a matter of time and taking it gradually. We'll see. Main thing is to not forget and constantly remind oneself the mission objective. Once forgetting comes in, one is totally vulnerable. Will try tomorrow to strengthen the level of calm. Also interesting to note, is that the urge to get angry is not as powerful as it was before the experiment started...Over and Out

Stage 1 Entry #14 - May 18 2009
Time is 3pm. Well. It looks like we're in a recession. The initial enthusiasm and great progress curve has dwindled considerably. Typically this is the point where I start to slowly drop out of my endeavors. However, thanks to the motivation provided by posting results to the world, hopefully things will be different this time. Looks like it will take great power of motivation and most importantly as I've discovered since Day#1 - no hesech daas (constantly reminding oneself) to speak without anger. Will check in again tonight.
Night: Looks like the self-check paid off. Was able to speak calmly with almost no problems. There's still alot of work to do. This is a difficult mission which will need a follow up study after the 30 month period. Ok. time to cash in the chips for today.

Stage 1 Entry #15 - May 19 2009
Rather uneventful day. Had some tests, which I was able to sense right away and minimize the damage. Still feel that my reaction is not automatic. Will need more power and effort to climb this rung of the ladder or risk falling down a few rungs, as the Vilna Gaon wrote:"if you're not climbing higher and higher, inevitable you are falling lower and lower".
Over and out.........

Stage 1 Entry #16 - May 20 2009
Not an easy day. Had to deal with some very difficult people and lost my calm.
Can't seem to break through the current level. Must try harder tomorrow. I think the key is to not give in at all whatsoever. I think once you decided that you'll speak calm no matter what - then the sea will split. Let's give it a shot for tomorrow.

Stage 1 Entry #17 - May 21 2009
I think we're on to something, Watson. Yesterday's plan seems to have worked. We seem to have risen another rung in the anti-anger ladder. Will aim for the same tomorrow. Let's hope we can hold up. Over and out...

Stage 1 Entry #19 - May 22-23 2009
Woke up friday with a remarkably similar feeling as last friday. Enthusiasm to follow the mission was near zero. I knew right away what needed to be done. To pump oneself up constantly and be on red alert to preempt any eruption of anger. I knew it but didn't follow it enough. Some damage occured.

Shabbat morning I had a bizarre dream where I was adminstering punishment in anger to my son and my neighbor's son with a stick. Very bizarre. But I didn't pay much attention to it. I then woke up and within an hour I had a very difficult test with my 8 year old son which resulted in my giving him a quick slap. Very unusual. I think the dream was a warning from upstairs about a difficult test that was coming up. Next time will have to be more careful.
The rest of the day was mild. Although I didn't get angry, I didn't really speak as calmly as I would have liked to.

Noticed also that I'm not quite following the Ramban's advice to speak calmly to all people, at all times, etc. Rather, I make an effort primarily with difficult people. Maybe will try with all people for tomorrow and see what happens. over and out...

Stage 1 Entry #21 - May 23-24 2009
Yesterday did not go according to plan. Analyzed and found 2 possibilities. Either not remembering properly or too difficult. In the first case, the solution is obvious to remind oneself constantly. The second case requires making fences to circumvent and lighten the difficulty or to pump oneself up beforehand. Today showed that it was a combination of both. Tried hard to remember and also to pump up psychologically well before the test came. Definitely had some positive results. Let's see tomorrow if we can repeat the results. over and out...

Stage 1 Entry #22 - May 25 2009
Greetings Earthlings. Morning went well. But don't seem to have the willpower to talk calmly to everyone. With kids it's ok. But it seems to clash with my macho side when speaking to adults. Kind of feel like a loser. Maybe this is the breaking of gayva (arrogance) which the Ramban's letter says speaking calmly leads to. Whatever it is, it appears to be painful and uncharted territory. Would be interesting to explore this and go where no man has gone before. Will try tomorrow at least for part of the time... over and out.

Stage 1 Entry #23 - May 26 2009
Not enough opportunities today to make an evaluation today. The Shavuot holiday/Shabbos should bring plenty of opportunity. Will report to home base with the damage report Motzai Shabbos.

Stage 1 Entry #24 - May 30 2009
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water. The shavuos holiday went rather smoothly. No major difficulties. Towards the end, and early Shabbos, I sensed a loss of interest in keeping the guard up and constantly practicing speaking calmly. Did not feel any sense of alarm, but the results appeared quickly. I rapidly started to drop back to the old ways. Apparently changing this anger trait is going to take more work than anticipated. The key though appears to be in not letting up. To not let the guard down even for a few minutes and even when there is little desire to do so. "a Tzadik falls seven times and gets up"(Mishlei). Never give up. Let's see if we can manage to get some consistency. Over and out...

Stage 1 Entry #25 - June 3 2009
My dear Watson, I think we have the basic strategy already. Difficulty now is to practice being consistent. The only way to properly test stage 2 is if there are no failures. So will need to practice until get to the level of no failures then will start the stage 2 test. Over and out.. In the meantime we will attempt experiment #2 - the 10 steps to greatness by Rabbi Avigdor Miller z'l. This should also help to soften up the anger.

Stage 1 Entry #26 - June 11 2009
Had slacked off in the intensity of working on anger. The result is slowly, everything came back. It wasn't for nothing that Rav Yisrael Salanter said that it's harder to change on character trait than to learn the whole talmud. Was getting so used to having much less anger that when it slowly came back, I realized just how much misery it causes. An important discovery for practicing speaking calmly is to practice it when you're talking alone such as davening. I tried to daven shacharis while saying the words as calmly and anger free as possible and found it has a tremendously relaxing and makes it much easier later when dealing with people to not speak angrily. Also found that humming a tune in a extremely calm and anger free tone also has this benefit.

Stage 1 Entry #27 - June 16 2009
Have made excellent progress past few days. Found the most effective is as above to practice when alone. At least this way you're not embarassed to speak in an extremely calm, anger free tone. It has a calming effect and makes it harder to get angry later on.
Looks like a change of strategy is due. The original plan was to brute force my way into speaking calmly all day at all times for 30 days and examine the results. Well, it seems the correct way is not to do it all at once. But to practice and slowly, slowly it will get easier. The key is to be consistent, and as above to practice when talking alone (during parts of davening) and to hum or walk in a totally calm, anger free way for some time. Good luck!! It's well worth the effort.

Stage 1 Entry #28 - June 22 2009
Welcome back. Slacked off somewhat in working on speaking calmly as before. The result was a rapid slipping back to the old angry ways. However, there was a marked difference. After the anger settles in, I no longer need to use just willpower to work on speaking calmly. Now I WANT to work on it. This is a major difference. After tasting the angry-free life, my heart is now drawn on its own towards working on speaking calmly. Before I didn't want to, but forced myself through willpower.
The Rambam writes in hilchos deos that just as there are sicknesses of the body, there are sicknesses of the soul. Just like a physically sick person can love things that are bad for him and hate things good for him, so too the soul can love the bad traits and hate the good traits. Now that I feel that my nefesh is tending to not like the anger life, could it be this is a sign of healing of the soul?

Stage 1 Entry #29 - June 25 2009
Had a very rough last 2 days. Slipped quite a bit. The anger-gravity pull is quite strong. For some reason had stopped working on speaking calmly and eventually the anger got stronger and stronger until BOOM!. Apparently, one must maintain a strong and constant effort as above.

Stage 1 Entry #30 - July 18 2009
Had been working much less on this. And definitely see an increase in anger. This is something that must be practiced consistently and relentlessly over months. Hopefully will retry this experiment after having taste the pitfalls involved.

Stage 1 Entry #31 - August 13 2009 - UPDATE
After some hard times in speaking calmly. I decided to try to work on being less serious and trying to speak with the kids always in a humorous, outgoing manner. It's been around 10 days and the results have been phenomenal. Humor and joy are powerful tools that one must use to conquer anger. A humorous, upbeat tone can defuse anger like nothing I've tried yet. Will continue with this and see where it leads.

Stage 1 Entry #32 - September 27 2009 - UPDATE
Yes. This seems to be holding up as the best strategy so far. Basically to get used to talking in a non threatening even humorous tone. This is especially important when giving rebuke. So if the kid hits his brother say "why? that hurts". But in a kind of humorous tone to defuse any possibility of anger. Definitely seems to be best strategy in my case. Same if mother in law tries to pick a fight saying "what are wearing?!" Answer back. Play dumb as if she "must" have meant it as a compliment. So answer with a big smile "Why? you like it?". Whatever they dish out, to play dumb and pretend they must have meant something positive. Or that they must be exhausted.

Stage 1 Entry #33 - October 12 2009 - UPDATE
The humor thing definetely helps. Also found tracking immediately any failure in anger keeps the matter fresh in my mind, so that I can guard more easily. However, talking calmly appears to be most difficult. The reason is I believe, because it is linked to other traits such as pride, and self esteem. So I can't say I gave this experiment a fair shot. Because I never really spoke a full day with all the types of people I met while forcing myself to speak only calmly. However, when that day comes, I will post the aftermath here.

PROFESSOR TREK'S JOURNAL ANALYSIS
To Move on to Stage 2 (40 days implementing the Ramban's method using the data of stage 1), the following conditions appear necessary so far:
1. The matter must be constantly on the specimen's mind. Any forgetting will gravitate the specimen towards the old ways of speaking. Tremendous, relentless effort appears necessary in the beginning to break out of the old conditioned habits. This is comparable to the lunar voyage of Apollo 11 where more energy was spent breaking out of the first few miles of earth's gravitational field then for the next 1/2 million miles until the spacecraft reached the moon.

2. The specimen must preempt a motivational feeling and maintain it. (If you don't have a burning "yes", you won't have the strength to say "no"). Examples are prayer, mental rehearsal, rewarding oneself.

3. The specimen has a tendency to make an effort when he feels it is a challenge but will decrease the effort during times when he feels there is little chance of anger. This thinking will fail, as the old ways will slowly creep back in and overpower him. The specimen must make a constant effort regardless of whether he feels there is a high probability of anger or a zero probability of anger. Likewise the effort must be constant during the 40 days. Any letup due to loss of interest or the like will lead to failure.

4. It appears to be very beneficial to practice speaking calmly when alone, such as during the shacharis prayer. The more a person speaks calmly the easier it will be later with people. Every act of speaking calmly makes one less anger prone and likewise the opposite. Humming a calm, anger free tune also has a similar benefit of making one calmer.

5. It appears from the data that it is more realistic to slowly speak more calmly each day, or each week rather than trying to brute strength force oneself to change in one go.

6. another iteration of this experiment appears necessary after some pause. Breaking anger appears to be a monumental task, as Rabbi Yisrael Salanter wrote "it is easier to learn the entire talmud than to change one character trait."

More entry journals will be posted as developments continue.